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Muahahaha
Idle Hands (1999) |
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Debi: My work here is done. Time for the ritualistic sex!
Debi: There is evil out there, and I'm gonna kick its ass!
Mick: We were staring down this big tunnel of white light.
Anton: And then what happened?
Mick: We were like, forget that, man, it's too far.
Anton: Who's your daddy now, bitch, huh? Who's your fucking daddy now?
Mick: That is some one-hit shit.
Pnub: As usual, marijuana saves an otherwise disastrous day.
Anton: Hey, I didn't kill anyone on purpose, okay!
Mick: Yeah weel we weren't in hell! I mean there was this bright white light at the end of a long tunnel, right, and there was these chicks' voices, and that music...
Anton: Music?
Pnub: Yeah kinda uncool music, like, Enya. And these chicks' voices they were saying "Come to us, come towards the light".
Anton: So what happened?
Mick: We figured, fuck it, I mean it was really far!
Mick: [to 911 operator] There is something wrong with my friend, I think he smoked some nutmeg or something.
Mick: We're staying here tonight.
Anton: What?!
Mick: Don't be selfish, Anton! No one else's parents are dead!
Pnub: And if your mother had teeth, she wouldn't suck dick so well. What's your point?"
Mick: I'm gonna go call 911. What's the number?
Anton: [singing] Devil girl, with nothin' to lose, she's got wind in her hair and gum on her sho-o-o-es!
Anton: We're gathered here today... um... because you're all dead.
Mick: Look at me! Look at me! I'm Leatherface!
[Anton is about to chop off his 'evil' right hand]
Mick: Wait a minute. If you chop off your right hand, how are you going to chop the other one off??
Anton: Oh no, man, the lefty's a keeper. I mean, I hit the remote with it, light up with it, relieve a little tension...
Anton: You lied to me!
Mick: You killed me, let's try to keep this thing in perspective here!
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Dude, Where's My Car? (2000) |
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Jesse: Who's Johnny Potsmoker?
Chester: Oh ,that's my alter ego.
Jesse: Wait, I thought Johnny Potsmoker was MY alter ego.
Chester: No. Yours is Smokey McPot.
Jesse: Oh yeah.
Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
Jesse: No "and then"!
Chinese Food Intercom: And then!
[Pierre has a deep French ascent]
Pierre: But luckily for you, I am an honorable man.
Mark: Excuse me, what was that?
Pierre: Honorable!
Mark: What? Onadouble?
[Pierre and Mark continue alternating, saying "Honorable" and "Onudable"]
Mark: I think you're trying to say "honorable"!
Pierre: What do I have to do to shut you up!?! Do I have to hose you down again?
Mark: No! Maybe later.
Jesse: Dude, it's a llama!
[Chester refuses to leave a strip club]
Jesse: Dude, this is an *emergency*!
Chester: So is this. It's a break-dancing stripper emergency!
Jesse: I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games!
Jesse: Dude, where's my car?
Chester: Where's your car dude?
Jesse: DUDE, where's my car?
Chester: Where's your car dude?
Jesse: Have you seen my car?
Christie Boner: Yeah.
Jesse: You have?
Christie Boner: Well, I saw the backseat.
Jesse: No, I'm talking about the whole thing.
Jumpsuit Chick #1: We are not dudes. We are hot chicks.
[As Super Hot Giant Alien passes overhead, a Father and Son see up her skirt]
Birthday Son: I want to go on that ride, Daddy.
Birthday Father: Me, too, Son. Me, too.
Chester and Jesse: Shibby!
Chester: Dude, you just touched Christie Boner's hoo-hoo.
Jesse: Shibby!
Chester: Low five.
[Jesse & Chester's answering machine message]
Jesse: Jesse...
Chester: ...and Chester are shibby at the moment.
Jesse: Please your shibby at the beep.
Jesse & Chester: Shibby.
Jesse: Fuck the universe!
Nordic Dude: Fuck the universe?
[Jesse and Chester have tattoos on their backs that say "dude" and "sweet."]
Jesse: Dude! You got a tattoo!
Chester: So do you, dude! Dude, what does my tattoo say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
[later]
Chester: [angry] "Dude!" What does mine say?!
Jesse: [screaming] "Sweet!"
Jesse: Wait a second, let's recap. Last night, we lost my car, we accepted stolen money from a transsexual stripper, and now some space nerds want us to find something we can't pronounce. I hate to say it, Chester, but maybe we need to cut back on the shibbying.
[Chester slaps him]
Jesse: Thanks, dude.
[repeated line]
Tommy: Stoner-bashin' time!
Zarnoff: [introducing the Zoltan cult] My name is Zarnoff. This is Zabu, Zellnor, Zelbor, Zelmina, and, uh, Jeff.
Jeff: Hey.
[about the hot chicks]
Chester: Those double-crossing, sexy-sexy sluts!
[starts crying]
Chester: Is that a barn?
Jesse: Is it red? Then it isn't a barn!
Chester: How wasted were we last night?
Jesse: Well, I touched Christy Boner's hoo-hoo, were on the hook for two hundred thousand dollars to a transsexual stripper, and my car's gone. I'd say we were pretty wasted.
Jesse: Look, it's those two totally gay Nordic dudes!
Totally Gay Nordic Dudes: We will now use the power of the Continuum Transfunctioner to banish you to Hoboken, New Jersy.
[Jesse attacked a speaker box]
Chester: Well, you didn't have to go all egg roll on that speaker box, dude.
Jesse: I'm not the one who called the Dali Lama a fag!
Jesse: I do not want to go down in history as the guy who destroyed the universe.
Chester: Dude, your dog's a stoner!
Mark: I've been in this cage for 3 years and 5 months and 17 days but who's countin' HAHAHA
Mark: E-mail me ok "Freakincage.com"
Jumpsuit Chick #1: First you give us the continuum transfunctioner, then we give you oral pleasure.
Jesse: I've heard that one before...
Wilma: You'd better stay away from our boyfriends.
Wanda: You fake-breasted sluts!
[A plastic doll has just taken a lot of punishment]
Chester: Hang in there buddy!
Pierre: Can I get you guys some beers?
Mark: I'd like a "Near Beer," please.
Pierre: SHUT UP!
[smacks Mark's cage with horsewhip]
Pierre: WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO SHUT YOU UP?!?!
Alien Nordic Dude: But the universe?
Jesse: [mocking the Nordic dude's accent] "Screw the Universe!"
Alien Nordic Dudes: Screw the universe?
Jesse: I'm sensing something very Canadian about this place.
Mr. Pizzacoli: A trained dolphin could deliver pizzas better than you two!
Jesse: But then the pizzas would get all wet.
Jesse: Look, an elephant!
Mr. Pizzacoli: [turning around] What?!!?
Jesse: Sorry, I guess it was just the mailman.
Chester: Look, a unicorn!
[Mr. Pizzacoli looks]
Mr. Pizzacoli: A unicorn?!!?
Chester: Sorry, I guess it was just a regular horse.
Zoltan: You gotta activate the...
Space Nerds: Photon Accelerator Annihilation Beam!
Jesse: What?
Mr. Pizzacoli: They said The Photon Accelerator Annihilation Beam, YOU FOOL!
Chester: Hurry, activate it, dude!
Jumpsuit Chick #1: If you are Jesse and Chester, maybe we will give you erotic pleasure.
Jesse: That's us!
Chester: Right here!
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